Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
