I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
