Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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