she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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