I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
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