Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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