I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
