Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
All I want is dick and wine.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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