you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
