He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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