Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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