worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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