Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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