The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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