WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
