I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize