It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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