Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
