I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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