Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Randomize
