my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Randomize
