And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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