he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
PANTIES FOUND
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
