i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
