I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
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