I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
