Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I won't apologize to a one balled man
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize