i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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