Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
