so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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