It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
