You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
