She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
