Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
