I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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