my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
There's always time for handjobs
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
