Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
How does it feel to date your dad?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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