I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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