I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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