just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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