btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
