fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
