Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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