Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
he thought i was a dude.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
