she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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