Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(250): View more from British Columbia

I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.

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(856): View more from New Jersey

Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches

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(347): View more from New York

He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.

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(949): View more from California

My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit

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(620): View more from Kansas

And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.

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(951): View more from California

I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.

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(816): View more from Missouri

We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?

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(816): View more from Missouri

Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.

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(860): View more from Connecticut

whose shirt was i wearing?

(203): View more from Connecticut

his little sister's

(860): View more from Connecticut

what was she wearing

(203): View more from Connecticut

a feather boa and 6 inch heels

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