remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Randomize
