dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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