She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize