Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
