oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
