Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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