everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
