what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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