His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
