Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
