Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I'm lost and stupid without you.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
My dick has a subreddit
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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