She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
zippers are such a cool invention
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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