That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
