Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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