i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
