hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
