Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
