You're a womanizer and a bitch.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
