how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
