don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
