I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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