dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
