worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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