so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
